i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
