Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
