yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
