I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
