i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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