You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
