Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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