Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
