they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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