wrigley field is MILF paradise
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
did i just pee glitter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
