Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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