dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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