I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
