never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
