I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I lost the right to judge tonight
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
