Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
