that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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