I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
