My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
