btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
