Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
