Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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