i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm eating all of the evidence.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
