I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
