We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
