Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
