Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
