I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
