She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Boobs speak an international language.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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