im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
