we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There are leaves in my underwear?
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