you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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