Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
