I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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