Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
