Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No subtext here. People are naked.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
