I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
