I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
