and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
