I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
