i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
