how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
