a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
