I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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