3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
