too bad you live with your parents still
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
