Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
