i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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