Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
