Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
