shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Welp...herpes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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