Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
